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I am me, Me is I. I express myself through writing and through my actions but not my words. I think with my heart but sometimes my brain takes over. I dream, I feel, I breathe, I love, I think. With trust comes my respect but break it once and you will spends years maybe your life rebuilding it and it will never, ever under any circumstances be completely regained.

Friday, April 22, 2011

...Wondering where the people I care about are...

I am in a mood. I miss so many people, some of which I feel have moved on like I am no longer needed. It's a weird feeling going from the mother-like figure, to the one who's kind of forgotten, left out, out-of-date, out of the loop. What can I say...I actually miss school. But for some reason, even if I went back...It would all be to different. I feel like we have grown apart. They're off making new friends while I'm here missing them like crazy...But those random moments I get from them where they leave me a little message on facebook or something like that actually make me cry...I hate cry but I seem to do a lot of it lately...

I'm even crying now writing this stupid thing...but if I don't write it, it all bottles up inside and just becomes horrible. It's it to much to ask for just a hug, to see the faces of people I care about...To actually see my friends more often. I mean sure work friends are great but they are exactly that...Work friends. I see them when I work, that's as far as the friendship extends. I don't really have friends I can just ring up and say "let's hang out tonight" anymore...I have Sue, but even now she is to busy with everything else. I just miss people. I used to get hugs everyday...I never knew how much I could miss the,. I get them from mum sure...but it's just not the same. I crave to get out more, but of course I work, my friends have school/uni/work OR simply they just ignore my messages or not bother replying to them. That or they live so far away :( FML seems to be to frequent in my vocabulary.

I suppose one person I miss the most is Mok. My little-school daughter. I loved getting hugs from her everyday...her random little comments, how she makes me laugh so hard, just simply everything. It's funny becuase she is now taller than me too. Hehe. <3

My gosh I must sound miserable...haha not to mention I had an 11-9 shift today in seafood which was complete MAYHEM! but anyhoo I will tell you all a funny little story that happend yesterday.

Mum went off to Wilson's for the night so I decided to get comfy and watch Curious Case of Benjamin Button. That movie was long, brilliant, sad and happy. I loved it. But it was a little depressing so I though hey, who cares if it is late, I'll watch Kung Fu Panda to make me laugh before I sleep. In my DVD case I found a movie that shouldn't belong...It was called DirectDiposit...A PORNO! Our neighbour, see, has been borrowing our DVD's about 10 at a time because that is all he does all day...It seems that one day when returning our DVD's he accidently put the porno in the DVD pile...NOT exactly the kinda thing I wanna see when I'm looking for Kung Fu Panda....But anyhoo the damn DVD is still sitting on our bench waiting to go back...the guys already know it is missing and have asked for it back but they haven't been home while we are home so we haven't been able to return their...ah...movie. Thing is though I left it on the table so I could show mum in the morning so she could take it back to them...thank gosh my mum knwos me well enough to know I don't like that sorta thing...esspecially when I was asleep when she came home and found it...I'd left it on the coffee table and forgot to put it on the bench with a note before I fell asleep, but hey, I was pretty damn tired. But anyway I can't wait to get rid of the damn thing coz naked women is soo not my thing, and conisdering it is on the bench for all to see...it's kind of embarrassing....I just hope my mum isn't secretly thinking I am watching them because I know that mum is hiding Wilson's porno DVD's here because his son has been sneaking them...(he's 13 btw). It's funny because I have a slight suspision that Wilson's son knows that they are here and where they are...maybe it's actually one of Wilson's DVD's. But either way, I want it gone.

Beth xx

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