About Me

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I am me, Me is I. I express myself through writing and through my actions but not my words. I think with my heart but sometimes my brain takes over. I dream, I feel, I breathe, I love, I think. With trust comes my respect but break it once and you will spends years maybe your life rebuilding it and it will never, ever under any circumstances be completely regained.

Friday, April 22, 2011

...Wondering where the people I care about are...

I am in a mood. I miss so many people, some of which I feel have moved on like I am no longer needed. It's a weird feeling going from the mother-like figure, to the one who's kind of forgotten, left out, out-of-date, out of the loop. What can I say...I actually miss school. But for some reason, even if I went back...It would all be to different. I feel like we have grown apart. They're off making new friends while I'm here missing them like crazy...But those random moments I get from them where they leave me a little message on facebook or something like that actually make me cry...I hate cry but I seem to do a lot of it lately...

I'm even crying now writing this stupid thing...but if I don't write it, it all bottles up inside and just becomes horrible. It's it to much to ask for just a hug, to see the faces of people I care about...To actually see my friends more often. I mean sure work friends are great but they are exactly that...Work friends. I see them when I work, that's as far as the friendship extends. I don't really have friends I can just ring up and say "let's hang out tonight" anymore...I have Sue, but even now she is to busy with everything else. I just miss people. I used to get hugs everyday...I never knew how much I could miss the,. I get them from mum sure...but it's just not the same. I crave to get out more, but of course I work, my friends have school/uni/work OR simply they just ignore my messages or not bother replying to them. That or they live so far away :( FML seems to be to frequent in my vocabulary.

I suppose one person I miss the most is Mok. My little-school daughter. I loved getting hugs from her everyday...her random little comments, how she makes me laugh so hard, just simply everything. It's funny becuase she is now taller than me too. Hehe. <3

My gosh I must sound miserable...haha not to mention I had an 11-9 shift today in seafood which was complete MAYHEM! but anyhoo I will tell you all a funny little story that happend yesterday.

Mum went off to Wilson's for the night so I decided to get comfy and watch Curious Case of Benjamin Button. That movie was long, brilliant, sad and happy. I loved it. But it was a little depressing so I though hey, who cares if it is late, I'll watch Kung Fu Panda to make me laugh before I sleep. In my DVD case I found a movie that shouldn't belong...It was called DirectDiposit...A PORNO! Our neighbour, see, has been borrowing our DVD's about 10 at a time because that is all he does all day...It seems that one day when returning our DVD's he accidently put the porno in the DVD pile...NOT exactly the kinda thing I wanna see when I'm looking for Kung Fu Panda....But anyhoo the damn DVD is still sitting on our bench waiting to go back...the guys already know it is missing and have asked for it back but they haven't been home while we are home so we haven't been able to return their...ah...movie. Thing is though I left it on the table so I could show mum in the morning so she could take it back to them...thank gosh my mum knwos me well enough to know I don't like that sorta thing...esspecially when I was asleep when she came home and found it...I'd left it on the coffee table and forgot to put it on the bench with a note before I fell asleep, but hey, I was pretty damn tired. But anyway I can't wait to get rid of the damn thing coz naked women is soo not my thing, and conisdering it is on the bench for all to see...it's kind of embarrassing....I just hope my mum isn't secretly thinking I am watching them because I know that mum is hiding Wilson's porno DVD's here because his son has been sneaking them...(he's 13 btw). It's funny because I have a slight suspision that Wilson's son knows that they are here and where they are...maybe it's actually one of Wilson's DVD's. But either way, I want it gone.

Beth xx


So I write a little poetry. It helps me vent...but I was browsing my Facebook notes and came across one of my favourite poems that I wrote a while back. It's dark but I thought you guys might like to read it anyhoo.

The Reaper Smiles

Dreary, cold, discoloured is this night.
Shadows of the trees that loom around her,
Creation of unholy and demonic creatures it creates.
Insanity wrecks this world
Of the children of the night, the underworlders,
Those of demonic blood with soul of pure hatred.
The ruler over them,
For he smiles over each and everyone of them.
Those who dare look at him,
Wondering what exactly lurks under that cloak,
Hiding his ivory coloured bones and his hollow eyes.
Clutching his scyth, four age withered fingers and a thumb.
The reaper looks over the world as if it was his own,
His game, his job.
Ending the life of those around, controlling.
Shivering uncontrollably, he pulls her close,
Wraping his free bony, cloaked arm over her.
Leaning down, he wispers,
"This world you see, the last time you ever will,
At least not in your living body. Your soul shall walk this earth,
wreaking havoc, destroying the minds and perishing all those who dare cross your way.
This is you future, your eternal undead life"
Turning for the last time she ever will, he smiles at her.
The look of dead. Collapses.
Laying limp by his feet, scyth between her rib cage,
He rumbles with laughter,
So deep, so sinister that the dead of the night
Sends howls and cries of the underworld over the ash ridden city.
Smiling again he steps over her, softly he murmers,
"Come, my child, let your soul join the many that roams this earth,
Do my bidding and work for me at you own will.
Scream to me the names of those you long so much for revenge."
"Yes my master" is all she could say,
The world now, she finally sees clearly,
Her targets are you who keep this world at its purest of evil.
Lets not see the reapers smile for ourselves, unless like she,
Who does not fear the reaper, but works for him at her own will.

Beth xx

Monday, April 18, 2011

...Missing Pieces...

I went to visit my old school last thursday. It was open day so I went for only an hour and a half because I had work. BOY do I wish I could have stayed for the entire day. I missed so many people I almost cried. I got to see most of my teachers (all the female ones gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek) and most of all I got to see the friends I dearly miss. Patricia, Mok and Sushi were the mains....though I must admit I cried when I hugge Mok...My little school-daughter. I haven't seen her since I left school last year on Nov 19. I wish I could see her more often....I got the biggest hug from her. Patricia misses me heaps....I wish I could be there for her but unfortunately so many things are trying to keep us apart...I honestly did not want to leave. They followed me around everywhere but leaving them was so hard...As soon as I got in the car I...yet again...Cried. Honestly these people mean so much to me and were the only people I had sometimes and now I don't get to see them....Even one of my teachers cried when they saw me...By gosh I miss them all....I've always thought I was missing pieces and this just comfirms that these are my missing pieces. I want to hug them right now, hug them tightly...not let go.

If only...

Night all
Beth xx


...I have probably missed a lot of what I wanted to blog about but ah well.
Next week on friday is my mothers birthday. She has no idea what's going on or that something is even going on and I plan to keep it like that. I am throwing a surprise dinner at an italian resturant and all the family and some friends will be there. I can't wait! I already have her prezzy and I have a few other things in mind of what to get her as well. I booked the table tonight and I am ordering the cake tomorrow... :D I am very excited about this...all she knows is that I have taken the night off and that I am cooking her dinner at home or we may go out if we can afford it. She is going to be really surprised :)

The day after is Sue's 18th! It is fifties themed and it's going to be awesome! I am pretty pumped about it. It's going to be at an actual 50's diner and because it is a sat night, there will be hot rods. Hot rods + Us in 50's clothes = Photos? I think yes! I am still deciding what to get her though...I NEED TO GO SHOPPING!

Anyhoo I have one more blog and I shall be up to date with my life right now.....Oh and I also forgot to add....I started barista training last week :D

Beth xx


Since my new job is giving me so many hours, I have been racking in the cash....Sue and I decided to go spur of the moment bowling...So Worth It. We fail miserably and we even used bumpers but hey! we got skillz....Afterwoods we got ourselves some Nandos and bought bubbles from woolies which we blew all around the shops until we got into trouble.
A few days ago it was my Nanna's 65th birthday and my grandad threw a big surprise party at the RSL. All you can eat? I think so! I caught up with my cousins and even my big sis and her partners daughter came which was great. But to top my night off...I have epic skills on the skilltester machine. I won 5 toys and a heap of chocolate with only $17...I also may have been a tad high off to much caffine and sugar. I kept one toy which was a donkey...I called him Flopsy.

Later this week is easter of course and I don't have much planned but I do have a huge shift in seafood dept on thursday...11-9 FML. I'm also working everyday but fri and sun because they are public holidays...I'm going to be exausted but ah well, think of the cash. I need it for next week.

Beth xx

...Full on

Ok....So I haven't blogged much at all so you are all about to get a massive hit.....My internets been really slow but I have been working heaps...
Supernova! WELL! That was an amazing day. The costumes people wore were brilliant. So many people went right out of there way to make sure they looked almost exactly like the character they were after. But best of all, what I waited for more than an hour in line for....was I got to meet Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy). I was so excited. I have pictures of him shaking my hand and also a sneaky little video of him signing my photo of him for me...Might I add that he is very attractive and his accent is amazing! I litterally cried (I know, typical fan girl) when I walked away I was that excited.

But anyway all in all the day was brilliant. I bought myself a Yoshi toy :D and got a few other things. I ran into a friend whom I haven't seen for over a year. She is like a big sister to me so it was so good to see her. Anyhoo enough about that. I shall right another blog.

Beth xx